Friday, January 22, 2010
leave it to rich, hollywood celebrities to make the rest of us plebs feel like a bunch of deadbeats.
his majesty george clooney (president and CEO of all-things-overrated), took time from his busy schedule (mounting his latest cocktail-waitress-de-jour and doing lines off of his latest best actor award from [insert film festival here] -- up in the air? more like down in the toilet) to pull together a smattering of equally important a-list movie-star-people to gather 'round the camera, set up some phone lines and convince selfish americans that they are worthless if they don't give to his charity relief fund.
more importantly however, is the genius decision of the show's producers NOT to ask for kanye west's cunty face to make an appearance, given his penchant for throwing tantrums and the ensuing viral memes that always manage to give him extensive press coverage the morning after (eg. kanye v. taylor swift @ mtv vmas; kanye v. george bush @ katrina telethon; kanye v. justice @ mtv emas). i don't follow kanye's career of douchebaggery, but apparently he even hi-jacked a spelling bee and made a huge stink about the number of asians in the top ten, chiding the judges for not rigging the competition to include more african-americans.
anyway, clooney issued a statement a few days ago stating something along the lines of: "if kanye shows up with a bottle of hennesey and tries to bum-rush the stage, i'll take him out back and teach him some manners." cold shit, motherfucker. who knew dr. ross had it in him? imagine this turns out to be the bitchiest cat-fight of the new decade. kanye and clooney in a "hidden camera" slap-fest backstage at a charity telethon? pure youtube gold.
then they will make a movie out of it with joan collins as clooney and linda evans as kanye.
and george will direct it.
and he will naturally win an oscar for best director.
i love celebrity telethons. the organizers never manage to take the most common-sense approach and just open their own wallets, they go on tv and have alicia keys sing "hallelujah" and stevie wonder sing "amazing grace" and then pass around the collection plate. despite the economic climate that america is (still) under, one of the few groups of people that don't take pay cuts are movie stars...but john q. public is supposed to donate a portion of his/her measly income so that george clooney can be placed on the shortlist of nominees for the (bono-sponsored) nobel prize in ass-kissing?
if people want to donate, they should do it through their churches, or through the red cross.
those cardboard boxes with 'haiti relief' written on it (with the backwards 'r') that they put next to the tootsie rolls and national enquirers at the impulse counter at wal-mart are shady enough.
you really gonna trust celebrities, whose job it is to take your money, to handle your donations?
btw, haiti-quake happened over a week ago. why did this genius move take so long to orchestrate? oh right, landing a network was probably a bitch, given the current late-night wars.
oh hollywood. why can i not do like everybody else and choose NOT to see past your good intentions? could it be because some of you make $30 million dollars a movie? prob...probably.
Posted by Steel | Magnolia at 1:24 PM