Monday, February 1, 2010

no no bring ME joy

due to last night's fucking! abysmal grammy awards, the fabulous ms. anita baker is here to demonstrate how to properly accept the (no-longer) coveted trophy.

even in that dress, she puts trifling bitches to shame.
(that dress is amazing).

Friday, January 22, 2010

gary oldman.

turbo babe.

president obama doesn't care about haitian people

leave it to rich, hollywood celebrities to make the rest of us plebs feel like a bunch of deadbeats.

his majesty george clooney (president and CEO of all-things-overrated), took time from his busy schedule (mounting his latest cocktail-waitress-de-jour and doing lines off of his latest best actor award from [insert film festival here] -- up in the air? more like down in the toilet) to pull together a smattering of equally important a-list movie-star-people to gather 'round the camera, set up some phone lines and convince selfish americans that they are worthless if they don't give to his charity relief fund.

more importantly however, is the genius decision of the show's producers NOT to ask for kanye west's cunty face to make an appearance, given his penchant for throwing tantrums and the ensuing viral memes that always manage to give him extensive press coverage the morning after (eg. kanye v. taylor swift @ mtv vmas; kanye v. george bush @ katrina telethon; kanye v. justice @ mtv emas). i don't follow kanye's career of douchebaggery, but apparently he even hi-jacked a spelling bee and made a huge stink about the number of asians in the top ten, chiding the judges for not rigging the competition to include more african-americans.

anyway, clooney issued a statement a few days ago stating something along the lines of: "if kanye shows up with a bottle of hennesey and tries to bum-rush the stage, i'll take him out back and teach him some manners." cold shit, motherfucker. who knew dr. ross had it in him? imagine this turns out to be the bitchiest cat-fight of the new decade. kanye and clooney in a "hidden camera" slap-fest backstage at a charity telethon? pure youtube gold.
then they will make a movie out of it with joan collins as clooney and linda evans as kanye.
and george will direct it.
and he will naturally win an oscar for best director.

i love celebrity telethons. the organizers never manage to take the most common-sense approach and just open their own wallets, they go on tv and have alicia keys sing "hallelujah" and stevie wonder sing "amazing grace" and then pass around the collection plate. despite the economic climate that america is (still) under, one of the few groups of people that don't take pay cuts are movie stars...but john q. public is supposed to donate a portion of his/her measly income so that george clooney can be placed on the shortlist of nominees for the (bono-sponsored) nobel prize in ass-kissing?

if people want to donate, they should do it through their churches, or through the red cross.
those cardboard boxes with 'haiti relief' written on it (with the backwards 'r') that they put next to the tootsie rolls and national enquirers at the impulse counter at wal-mart are shady enough.
you really gonna trust celebrities, whose job it is to take your money, to handle your donations?

btw, haiti-quake happened over a week ago. why did this genius move take so long to orchestrate? oh right, landing a network was probably a bitch, given the current late-night wars.
oh hollywood. why can i not do like everybody else and choose NOT to see past your good intentions? could it be because some of you make $30 million dollars a movie? prob...probably.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

it's only rock n roll.



today the rock and roll hall of fame announced their longlist of potential 2010 inductees:
  • abba
  • kiss
  • the stooges
  • the hollies
  • the chantels
  • darlene love
  • laura nyro
  • red hot chilli peppers
  • jimmy cliff
  • ll cool j
  • genesis
  • donna summer
it should be:
  • kiss (surprised they aren't already in there)
  • the stooges (ditto)
  • laura nyro (amazing songwriter - long overdue)
  • abba (obviously)
  • darlene love (ditto)
it will probably be:
  • kiss
  • the stooges
  • red hot chilli peppers (ridiculous)
  • ll cool j (laughable)
  • genesis (laughable-est)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

patrick swayze (1952-2009).

johnny castle.
sam wheat.
vida boheme.

no more.

babe of the day.

lori petty
(october 14, 1963 - )

why she's great
  • tank girl
  • a league of their own
  • point break
  • cult icon
  • underrated
  • 1990's
  • tank girl
  • graphic designer, pre hollywood
  • fashion designer, post hollywood
  • tank girl
  • faux lesbian
  • vegetarian
  • criminal
  • tank girl
  • kissed naomi watts
  • director
  • tank girl
  • better actor than most of her co-stars who were probably paid more (rosie o'donnell, andy dick, ice-t, madonna, benjamin bratt, keanu reeves, pauly shore, janet jackson, richard greico, gina gershon, willy)
why she's a babe
  • did i mention tank girl?

Monday, September 21, 2009

babe of the day.

gloria swanson
(march 27, 1899 - april 4, 1983)

why she's great:
  • a vegetarian since 1928, she would pack her own lunches and bring them to set
  • made her first appearance on film in 1914
  • successfully transitioned from silent pictures to talkies in the late 1920's
  • nominated for 3 academy awards, all best actress
  • has two stars on the hollywood walk of fame
  • considered one of the nicest and most cooperative actresses in the business, at the time
  • rumored to have slept with rudolph valentino
  • she was born in the nineteenth century and lived well into her eighties
  • ranked #1 on steelmagnolias' greatest performances that never won an oscar list
why she's a babe:
  • her earliest film stills. like the one above. hello?

#1. gloria swanson in sunset boulevard

are you kidding me?
gloria swanson as norma desmond is THE greatest performance of all time.

i don't want to give a lame summary of the picture, or opine about the beauty and intrigue and facial features responsible for carrying the reclusive actress into an over-the-top psychopathic superstar. i merely wish to bow down to gloria swanson, one of the greatest actors who ever lived. this is how it's done, boys and girls. respect.

nominated for 1950 best actress oscar;
lost to judy holliday in born yesterday

greatest moment:
see below

#2. barbara stanwyck in double indemnity

the only actor with two entries on this list, barbara stanwyck's performance as phyllis dietrichson, arguably one of cinema's greatest femme fatales, is absolutely perfect. ravishing and beautiful, with a steamy and sexy, smoky voice, phyllis traps a travelling insurance salesman (fred macmurray) in her web, seducing him in an effort to kill her husband and cash in on his life insurance policy, which includes a double indemnity clause. meaning: if her husband's death is ruled an accident, the bereaved widow receives twice the normal amount. phyllis' powers of manipulation lead her dumbstruck lover to commit the deed, which ensures her financial expectations, leaving him "holding the gun." when the web is unraveled, walter realizes that phyllis' actions were not out of genuine love for him, simply another obstacle in the way of her pure, unadulterated greed. stanwyck is as beautiful as ever in this role. she never won an oscar in her entire career, despite four nominations. she was given an honorary award in 1982. she died in 1990.

*nominated for 1945 best actress oscar
lost to ingrid bergman in gaslight

greatest moment: see below

tg tiff io (thank god tiff is over)

i have so neglected my countdown of the 100 greatest performances that never won an oscar. it was to coincide with the opening (and then the closing) of the toronto international film festival.but since that shit-show has come and gone (precious with mo-nique and mariah carey won the people's choice award -- it actually looks good), i will now present to you the final two performances. they are pretty fucking epic.

and then no more talk about movies for a while.